I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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