ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
