Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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