just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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