i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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