Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
