At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
