I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
