Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
