you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
