Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
