So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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