he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
