Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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