Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
it's like heaven, but drunker
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
