Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
