I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
