I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
