Umm I'm too high to move.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
