Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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