she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
