Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
