You made me cry and you don't even care
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
