Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
