I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
