For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
