HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
