I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
