doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
