Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
