I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
