I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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