i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
