I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
