yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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