if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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