using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
