So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
