I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
