go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
