Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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