That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
