i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
