If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
