my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
