he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
and i looked up. we had an audience...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
