hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
