Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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