Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
