i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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