i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
