and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
