I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
