You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
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I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
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I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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