Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance