I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office