I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS