HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.