I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.