i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.