I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
