coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
