Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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