he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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