dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
