Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
