i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
