Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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