I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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