so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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