its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
