I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
