you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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