Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
