every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
