i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
