Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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