I wanna bring you to show and tell
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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