it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
