dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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