i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
